What is in our future?

We are sitting in London, Kentucky now. This company can't quite figure out what they are going to decide on and it gets a bit frustrating. Last night we had the load for North Carolina and was sitting in the truck stop in Decatur and Josh and I stayed up a bit late last night as we knew we would have time to sleep in this morning since we weren't supposed to be going anywhere, but bright and early the QUALCOMM starts going off that we have a new messages. When Josh reads them it says to bring the load that we have now and drop it in the yard and pick up the load we now have going to Kentucky. It doesn't deliver til tomorrow so we are now sitting in another truck stop wasting time til we can drop this load. Something that kind of made me a little mad is when Josh was talking to the dispatcher last night and told Josh that is ok to be overweight by a few hundred pounds and he could go ahead and take the load as it was. First off we were overweight by 740 lbs, not a few hundred, and secondly if we did take the load and go into a weigh station the DOT would fine Josh and it would go on his drivers liscense and the company wouldn't be responsible for it at all. I feel sorry for the person that does take that load and wonder if they will have him take it as is or if they will actually have some of the weight taken off.

Now onto the subject of men and how sometimes it so hard to understand why they do the things they do. Of course I will only be using Josh in this comparison but I am sure everyone can relate that sometime men and women do things differently and it isn't always clear to either sex why they do it that way.

Example 1: Josh had asked me the other night if I wanted to stay in a hotel overnight instead of sleeping in the truck. I said no because that is just another expense that we don't need and the subject was dropped. Last night when the dispatcher told us we would have to sit with that load til Monday he did offer us a free hotel room to stay in and Josh declined and when I asked why he said he didn't want to stay in flea bag motel room. I am only going to guess that they are only flea bag motels if they are free otherwise he is getting his moneys worth? Sigh.

Example 2: Josh had stopped in a CB shop and was wanting to price some items and maybe get his old CB working because in his mind it is the "best" and we also found out that it is now illegal. He has a CB in the truck and it is hooked up and it works but the distance on it doesn't work very well. The shop told him that they could put on a better antenea on his truck for $200, and we didn't have the money for it then but he is fixated on this now. He only uses the CB whenever we get in a traffic jam to find out what is going on up front and which lane he needs to be in. He would often roll his eyes at what some of the truck drivers are talking about as most of them are being gross or just plain mean to each other. I told him I didn't think we needed to spend money on that because of the little use. He is now turning it on a lot I guess to prove that he needs it and would use it and talks about it all the time. Sigh

Example 3: When we are at a truck stop with nothing to do Josh always wants to "trash around the truck stop" meaning he wants to go look at things in the truck stop. I don't mind this usually as it is a way to get out and stretch our legs but he seriously shops and looks at everything while we are there. These truck stop don't vary much in what kinds of items they carry and even then it isn't anything that is of interest to me. I think that I am going to see if I can talk him into doing some walking around the parking lot instead.

Example 4: Parking. I am not a truck driver but I do understand mostly what it entails to park a semi, Josh is constantly driving around and around the parking lot looking for the perfect parking spot. He has had to do some interesting manuevers to park and I understand that but the constant circling the lot and complaining about other drivers doing the same is irritating. When the clock is running down and we need to park and he refuses to park in a certain area because it isn't to his liking and I am screaming in my head "just park the dang thing!"

After rereading some of these I think I am just complaining more than anything but there was a point that I was trying to get to. One night Josh and I had a discussion on what our current goals are, which direction are we going, and how to achieve it. We don't seem to be on the same path anymore.as neither of us are sure where we want to go and this seems to be a bigger problem the longer we go. Things have drastically changed in our lives such as our children are now grown and we feel we have more freedom now and we are trying to decide what to do with this new freedom. Our first and short goal is to get caught up on bills and try to get some things paid off and be able to maintain at the very least. Josh has asked me many times how long I am going to stay in the truck and I have no answer. I know I don't want to do this for many years but exactly how long I don't know. He is interested in being an Owner Operator and buy his own truck and I am too afraid of doing that. I want to buy some land, where I am not sure, but I would like to own our own property with lots of acreage to build up something of a farm and to be able to garden. We won't be able to afford to do both and so we are at a stand still. We are lost to say the least and there is no easy answer for either of us. Josh has always said the we are like Ying and Yang, even though we are total opposites we fit together and complete one another but now it seems our differences are not strengthing us anymore. Sometimes I wonder if we are putting too much thought into this and maybe we should just wait and see what happens. Who knows what the future holds.